Indian Sex Psyche in a Digital Native Society

A 15-minute clip from Ina, a 1982 Malayalam film by popular director I.V. Sasi that deals with youthful lust and child marriage, is the most viewed Indian video on YouTube. It has more than 117 million views, and it appears to be the only Indian video to have more than a 100 million YouTube views.

Ina was a trendsetting movie which received many positive reviews during a time when even talking about sex was considered as a taboo in Kerala. Many parents of the 80’s were reluctant to send their kids to watch this movie as they thought it would corrupt their children. “My mom was an adherent moviegoer. She never stopped us from watching movies, but when Ina released, she was so unyielding to our requests and every time she came up with some kind of excuse. Only later in our life did we understand the real cause of her worry” says Jayasree who is now 50.

But what makes the movie so popular on the YouTube four decades after its release? Why are the other classics of Padmarajan and Bharathan not among the list of top ten most viewed video on YouTube? And the bigger question is why only 15 minutes not the whole movie getting the maximum hits? The answer is hidden inside the top ten Malayalam videos on YouTube; they are all Blue Films.

The case of other language videos is not different, they all feature similar keywords like Sex, Hot and Masala.

This reminds me of a case where three Ministers from Karnataka were expelled from the Legislative Assembly after the CCTV footage caught them watching pornography while the assembly proceedings were in full swing. Interestingly one of them handled the portfolio of Women and Child Development Ministry. When Google India released the report of the most searched personality of 2013 in last December, the Indo-Canadian former pornographic actress Sunny Leone was way ahead of Shah Rukh Kahan and Sachin Tendulkar. The Google trends report shows that the volume of search for the term “porn” has more than doubled since 2010 – 2013. These reports indicate that porn is freely available to anyone in India who has access to internet, regardless to their sex and age.

The writing on the wall is so clear; the number of people who are becoming addicts of pornographic videos and the increase in cases related to sexual abuse in India are in a proportionally high level.

New technology in the hands of the young, who uses it irresponsibly, could lead to a catastrophe. The new generation (which the techies call as the “digital natives”), are less guided by their parents and teachers (tagged as digital immigrants) as they are less informed about the new world of gadgetry. Teens have an inquisitive mind, which is controlled by peer pressure. But when pornography becomes their answer for sexual inquisitiveness, they become perverts. MMS Porn videos of students, circulating in schools in Kerala have been reported many times by the media. In some cases the victims have even went to the extent of committing suicide. According to a study conducted on 1000 students of both sex, 47% of high school boys and 29% of high school girls talk about porn in their classrooms.

What is more startling is the kind of videos the young prefer to watch. According to webmaster report of a website, the keywords searched for entering a porn site has changed over the last few years. A few years back people used short keywords like Rape, penetration, oral, anal, lesbian, gay etc. to make their porn search, but now the terms have become more violent and inhuman, with the user searching for what exactly he/she needs.

In India watching porn is considered legal but distributing or publishing pornographic content is considered as a crime under laws laid down in Sec.292 of the Indian Penal Code, which came about by Act 36 of 2000. According to Alexa Ranking of top 500 Indian Website 24 are porn sites. The legal machinery in India has failed to take action against these sites that even publish child pornography. A report of Optenet says, 40% of the web is made up of pornographic sites. As the WWW is open to all, including teens to consume porn materials, these sites are just a click away from reaching them. The search for these sites begins with simple googling of their peer doubts, which can be answered if they are given proper awareness in schools.

A few years back when the Government of Kerala introduced Adolescent Education Programme on the recommendation of UNESCO there was stiff opposition from the church saying the programme will lead to “sexual anarchy” in the state. The programme was intended to give awareness about sexuality and sexually transmitted diseases to class IX and class XI students of more than 4,000 high schools and higher secondary schools. Due to controversies the programme didn’t took off in Kerala. The same happened in the states of Karnataka, Gujarat, Maharashtra and Madhya Pradesh. But Tamil Nadu implemented this programme long back in 1997 and it has been proved successful.

India lacks Sex education; this is a fact which is overlooked during discussions on fighting rape and other cases of sexual abuse. Rather than fighting for a law to castrate the rapist or to hang him, the discussions should extend to a broader platform were in we can put a cap on the root so that further growth is restricted for ever. Moreover sex education in schools will also reduce the number of HIV cases in India. According to Government reports 40% of the total HIV affected people are under the age group of 15-29.

An Indian American News Website reported the trend of watching pornographic videos is synonymous to all states in India but higher in the state of Kerala, which boasts about the high literacy rate.

The YouTube videos and their counts is a direct reflection of the sexually frustrated Indian youth. If this trend continuous for a long time the result would be a million youth with unusual behaviour. As a country which boasts about its youth as the way forward in achieving global leadership, Indian government should take Sex Education seriously at the earliest.

Sex During Pregnancy – The Myths Exposed

There are so many myths about sex during pregnancy that my partner and I decided to write an article to give you the absolute 100% truth about this tricky subject. And you know what? The amazing thing is it turned out to be quite straightforward. All those old wives tales turned out to be just that – fallacies, myths, superstitions, and simple downright lies.

So just why is there so much confusion about sex during pregnancy? I think the answer lies in the fact that Western society gets confused when it tries to deal with the idea of a woman as a mother, and the idea of a woman as a sexual being. We venerate motherhood, but there is still one heck of a double standard around the idea of a woman as a sexual being, possibly with as high a level of sexual desire and enthusiasm for sex as a man. So that’s the first thing you have to get out of your head: that sex when you’re pregnant is somehow wrong, disrespectful to the baby, or inappropriate in some other way. Here’s the reality – sex during pregnancy is a great thing for both the man, his partner, and the baby!

You might be wondering why sex at this very special time is good for the baby. There are a couple of reasons. First, sex reinforces the bonds between the mother-to-be and her partner, ensuring that their relationship is strong, healthy and intimate. This produces a good environment for the baby after he or she is born. Secondly, when a woman has an orgasm, she produces large amounts of endorphins and bliss hormones which circulate in her bloodstream and inevitably produce the same sense of relaxation and contentment for the baby as they do for the mother.

But unfortunately a lot of women seem to believe that their partner will not find them attractive as they grow larger during their pregnancy. The reality is rather different! Many men find a pregnant woman extremely sensuous and attractive, a fact which is hardly surprising when you consider that a woman is expressing the deepest level of her femininity when she’s pregnant. Not only that, but many women experience a great surge in sexual desire during their pregnancy because of the changing levels of hormones in their bloodstream – and a woman who wants sex and other high level of libido is very arousing to a man. All in all, it’s a recipe for some of the best sex that you can have.

A lot of women actually find that they experience orgasms differently when they’re pregnant: they may, for example, actually experience orgasms for the first time if they’ve previously been anorgasmic. And women who’ve always been able to enjoy orgasms may find they can reach orgasm more easily, or that they experience multiple orgasms for the first time. All of this is very exciting, and adds a whole new dimension to the sexual relationship between a man and his partner. When you consider that many women feel they’ve moved fully into their sexuality, partly because of their body growing more feminine and their breasts enlarging as they prepare to nurture their baby after it’s been born, and partly because in some deep way their function as a woman is now being fulfilled, it’s hardly surprising that the expression of sex within a relationship is good be a little bit unpredictable during pregnancy.

Another of the pernicious myths about sex during pregnancy is that it can harm the baby. This is completely untrue in the vast majority of normal pregnancies. For one thing the baby is well protected in its amniotic sac, a bag full of fluid which protects it like a shock absorber, as well as by the strong muscular walls of the womb. And since a thick mucus plug seals the cervix so that neither bacteria nor semen can enter the uterus during sexual intercourse, there is no danger from making love as the baby grows inside its mother. The only cases in which sex during pregnancy is not recommended are where there is something slightly unusual about the pregnancy: perhaps this been persistent vaginal bleeding, or the mother has high blood pressure, or the placenta is located very close to the cervix, or the woman has a history of miscarriages. Each of these cases your doctor or midwife will tell you about the dangers of sex during pregnancy. In these cases you might want to use some alternative method of relieving sexual tension such as oral pleasure, solo masturbation, or mutual masturbation.

If the majority of pregnancies proceed normally, and sex is perfectly acceptable, why would there be a myth that sex during pregnancy can harm the baby? Well, you have to use a certain amount of common sense here. Clearly, making love in the man on top position with the man lying on the woman’s abdomen is a bad idea because it can be very uncomfortable that the mother and it also does put extra weight on the baby. By the way, some experts recommend that a pregnant woman does not sleep on her back, but there’s no harm in her lying down for as long as it takes to make love. Another silly fantasy that has sprung up over the years is that sex can induce labour, either during thrusting or during orgasm. In fact, although woman will feel some small uterine contractions when she reaches orgasm, the sensations are quite different to those that she will experience when she gives birth, when the uterus is contracting during labour.

Another old wives’ tale is that if a baby is overdue, making love will induce labour because the man’s semen contains a hormone which stimulates uterine contractions. However it turns out that there’s absolutely no evidence whatsoever that semen stimulates uterine contractions and the onset of labour.

Now, so far we’ve been talking very positively, as though all couples want to make love during pregnancy, but that certainly isn’t the case. A woman may feel so unattractive that she simply doesn’t want to make love, and regrettably some men do find it impossible to make love with their pregnant partners, simply because they don’t find the idea attractive. In such cases, there are plenty of other things that can reinforce a couple’s relationship, including snuggling, kissing, cuddling, stroking, mutual massage, oral pleasure and masturbation. There’s absolutely no need whatsoever for either partner within a couple to be deprived of sexual pleasure if the other one isn’t keen on intercourse.

All in all you can have just as good a sex life during pregnancy as you did beforehand, and just as good as hopefully you will after the baby is born. The myths that have grown up around the subject need to be dispelled, not only for the sake of every pregnant couple’s happiness, but also because sex is a fundamental human need at every point in an individual’s life, and as we observed above, when a mother has an orgasm, the baby benefits from the blissful state she enjoys.

The Difference Between Sex and Love

A BBC documentary ‘The Human Body’ presented by Dr Robert Winston films a sex education class.

The teacher, after writing up the word ‘SEX’ in large letters on the blackboard, asks the teenagers to suggest other words associated with sex. Some time later, the teacher asks the class for the one word that is missing and, after a pause, writes the word ‘LOVE’ on the board.

Despite modern contraception, sex still involves the risk of pregnancy, sexual disease and considerable emotional turmoil (!). So we promote the link between sex and love to ensure that young people understand the responsibilities associated with a sexual relationship.

A girl of sixteen came out to the South of France one summer. On her first night she met an Australian whose self-confessed ambition was to lay every woman in the resort. She fell for his chat and blond good looks and lost her virginity. The next day he moved on (mission accomplished so to speak) and she was devastated.

Fathers are protective of their daughters for this very reason. They know that sex drive causes a young man to be highly focused on his own orgasm and that any idea of a relationship is likely to be the last thing on his mind. Since a woman does not get the same easy pleasure from sex, she offers a man short-term pleasure in the hope of longer-term companionship, mutual support and family (or a sense of belonging), sometimes referred to as ‘commitment’.

If young women are hoping for more than a ‘one night stand’ then they are best advised to make a man wait (at least a date or two) for sex. It won’t do a man any lasting harm to wait and if he is interested in you as a person then he will be willing to allow time for trust and respect to develop.

Casual sex is usually about the ego trip
In the long run, most of us find that having sex with someone we know and love adds something special to the experience. But that does not mean that sex and love are the same thing. Sex is raunchy, exhilarating, orgasmic and fun. Love is caring and nurturing. The two can go together or side-by-side but they are different. Women’s sexual expectations in our society are often confused with softer images of love and romance.

Sex education for teenagers (especially girls) should cover not only the reproductive facts but also how they can enjoy a sexual relationship. Most women who experience orgasm do so through masturbation or oral sex. Telling teenagers to limit their sexual experiences to intercourse makes it less likely that a woman might learn how to enjoy her own orgasm. Vaginal intercourse may lead to family but it was never intended to facilitate female orgasm, either physically or psychologically.

“In some cases, it was not even clear to the woman herself whether there had been an orgasm or merely high levels of arousal.” (p199 The Hite Report 1976)

Not every woman is attracted to eroticism and so many women miss out on the sexual fantasies that lead to women’s sexual arousal and orgasm. Shere Hite referred to women’s experience of heightened arousal as ’emotional orgasms’ to differentiate them from real female orgasms. Perhaps the term ’emotional orgasm’ is unhelpful.

Another way of differentiating between women’s experience of orgasm is by asking about the impact of the relationship. Some women explain their experience of orgasm through their relationship and the idea that their partner finds them sexually attractive. Many women never learn to explore their sexuality either through masturbation or through activities other than sexual intercourse and so they miss out on enjoying sexual pleasure and their own sexual arousal and orgasm.

A woman who enjoys orgasm through masturbation can enjoy orgasm quite separately from her relationship because her sexual psychology is driven through sexual fantasies. Each of these experiences is no better than the other but simply different.

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